its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
