It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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