Betty ford says i'm here all night
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
