Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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