I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and she was petting her beer can
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
