I skipped work to stalk him.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
