i just had sex bonerless
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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