Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
