Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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