They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
