I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
