there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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