I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
