I didn't shave. On purpose
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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