We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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