Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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