Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
