Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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