That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
