saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
