doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Small penises have feelings too.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
