I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
