Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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