So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
