hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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