Already got asked if we're dating
I puked a lego.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
