I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
