4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
