a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't turn off my feet"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I want is dick and wine.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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