Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
