didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
one might say we're banned from that church
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
