Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
