he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
