I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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