My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
