Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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