Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
