Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
