So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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