I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
