I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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