I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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