when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
