The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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