I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
