I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
