kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He felt like a one man threesome
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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