I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
