my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
