my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
