Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
